Music or Soundtracking the Madness, whichever you prefer

This is an unrefined thought. All rough around the edges. At some point, I might actually attempt to write well. But no, dear friends (imaginary and otherwise) that day is not today. I continue to blather on with zero editing. Let's just continue to dump my thoughts out here and fingerpaint with them. It gets messy in this mind o' mine.

So as some of you know, I'm trying to deal with this emotional mess that I live in on a daily basis. As part of that I'm trying to change my mental diet.  That means I can't stew in my favorite angsty music. Well I can, but I'm sure not going to feel any better for having done so. I've marinated in this depressive state for long enough. I guess I'm hopping on the garbage in, garbage out bandwagon. You know you're far too negative when your voice cracks at the first positive sentiment verbally expressed. It's gotten to the point where I'm almost allergic to positivity?! Yowsa. 

I drive a lot. (Such is the custom/lifestyle where I live. )  In an attempt to improve the emotional context of the soundtrack to my drive, I've tried a few different approaches.  I shun most of my old Cds  because most of them are sad/angry or just remind me of other sad/angry times. Desperate to feel something else, I've gone into the store and just randomly purchased music to bring a different vibe to my daily experience. This has been good but it's a total gamble. Sometimes, it turns out the artists on my mystery purchase are also angry and sad. 

Why not just listen to the radio, you are asking yourselves?! Oh gentle reader, have you not noticed most of this music just sucks?! It is either a) angry and sad b) insipid c) all hype with no substance and/or d) all of the above.  Upon some critical analysis, (seriously would you expect me to do anything less... it's unavoidable in this tangled up noodle brain of mine),  I've determined there to be about 6 lyrical themes or fewer to most popular music. 1) I'm in love

2) I want to get laid 3)We had great sex 4)I'm alone and sad. When I will get laid/have great sex again? 5) I want to rock... and rock is always substituted for the radio edit approved version of the f word. Think about it. Rock me... rock me...rock me through the night. Yeah they're not talking about musical notes and arrangements here.  6) If I have that cash/car/bling/get someone drunk/high, then we can get laid. Or if it's a female singer, it's hahaha they all want me in the sack now; I'm really somebody! Whoot. You go girl. Set us all back a few more hundred years in terms of the intrinsic value of human beings that happen to be female.  

So back to my strategies. The random purchasing was not working out too well.  I decided to save money. I switched to classical music. That's gone fairly well. Occasionally even some of those songs sound stressful. There's no words but you can hear the instruments prattling on about how the jeans don't fit and they're ugly and there's no time to enjoy yourself because your world is chaos and loaded with responsibility. Yes. The instruments say that. Haven't you been listening?!   (<- projecting much? why yes I am thanks!) 

I got a little tired of no lyrical input. It's a tricky balance. Left to my own thoughts, I may be able to turn any soundtrack into an anthem of woe. (perhaps I just found my talent) Normally I shun all popular lines of thought. I'm a contrarian by nature. The herd mentally is usually a large source of disgust for me. This tends to apply to every aspect of life. As such, and to get back on the track of music, I have avoided Christian radio as much as I have avoided church. (maybe my God thoughts will make another blog) One of my Major issues with contemporary Christian recording artists is that the men all sound neutered.  It's true. It's as though, to be "accepted" by that genre of the music industry you must detach your balls. I'm not saying I want someone to do some pelvic thrusts and sing about the Lord. But why is it that so many youth ministers or preachers or musicians present themselves as these very soft hearted (tender even) Ken dolls? They're not quite women but they sure aren't men either. It's disturbing.  Or in the case of preachers, they go the other direction  in excess screaming at people like drill sergeants.  (This line of thought will soon be in a blog about masculinity) 

Despite my initial resistance, I tuned to the Christian station. Wow--what an eclectic mix of sounds show up on this station: (C)Rap, Country CrossOver, Trying too Hard to Sound exactly like what Teens like and throw a few "God(s)" into the lyrics, and all the stuff you typically think of when you hear about music about God (soft sensitive voices).  It makes for an interesting source of samples to analyze.  I tend to turn it down, then back up and down. My volume controls are getting quite the workout. But I'm finding the occasional tune that does not offend my ears and actually helps me feel a little less awful. So there's something. Yep. I've not quite gotten to where I can shout that "I'm happy so very, very happy" yet... but this is a little bit of a twisted improvement.