Negative Nelly Returns, a cornucopia of grievances

True Story:

On my quest to be with the family, I popped my head into the tv room. I glance at the screen and see two large shiny robot toys moving and talking. The screen cuts to a shot of the God camera looking down on Megan Fox. Megan looks up with her failed attempt at doe-eyed innocence and says, "What am I doing here?" And I flatly say "exactly." I withdrew my head from the doorway, shut the doors and left. I would like to have those 25 seconds of my life back.

It should be noted that I have no heroes and I dislike most superhero films. I do not wish to be transformed. My review of that particular piece of cinematic work: nugatory, at best.

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Dear well meaning dog owner,

Thanks for supporting my disdain for the teen's appeal for a bearded dragon for Christmas. Perhaps you might want to re-think your sentiment that "those stink" since your favorite furry friends do as well. It is a rare day when I can enter a home and not immediately surmise that canines dwell on the premises.

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To my sweet vegan friends,

Animals are my friends too. But some times, when I least expect it, I do eat my friends....and they taste ambrosial.